Confessions
by ScienceGeek
Summary: Sam and Vala discuss the use of Goa'uld devices after Sam is injured in Line in the Sand. Sam and Vala friendship.


**A/N **_Written for a Women of the Gates ficathon on LJ. Tag for Line in the Sand. Prompt was "Did Vala try to use the healing device on Sam after Line in the Sand, why or why not?" _

_I own nothing of SG1. _

Beeping monitors sounded like both joy and sorrow, Jack reflected. He was, once again, glued to the hard plastic chairs of the infirmary. He kept himself from wishing the damn monitors would just be silent by remembering that as long as they beeped, then Sam was still alive. He reached out to brush imaginary hair away from her face. "Come on Sam…"

A glance at the observation window told him that SG1 was still there hovering. Mitchell slumped on a stool, a scowl showing on his face. Next to him Teal'c stood in his typical ramrod straight posture, arms linked behind his back, his intent gaze never leaving the pale form in the bed. Vala was hidden somewhere in the background, the shadows almost too deep to make her out at all. Even Landry perched on a stool, his eyes rarely leaving the monitors at Carter's side.

"Come on Sam," Jack repeated as he turned back to her. His fingers laced with hers, "Wake up. The team's here, waiting for you. Wake up for us, Sam."

sg1sg1

The infirmary was blessedly empty, for once. Save for one occupied bed, and two visitors speaking in hushed voices beside its drawn curtains. The lights were low, and aside from the quiet voices, the room was nearly soundless. Even the ever present beeping of life support machinery was absent.

"She hated the macaroons."

Teal'c simply nodded, his eyes calm as he looked from the Lt. Colonel to the curtained off infirmary cot. "Perhaps Colonel Carter does not care for coconut."

"But Teal'c, she hated my grandmother's recipe!"

"Or perhaps, Colonel Mitchell, you did not prepare them as well as your grandmother did."

This stopped the other man, and he too looked toward the bed. "You think?"

"It is quite possible."

Another voice joined in then. "You know what else is possible guys? That I'm trying to get some sleep here!"

"Crap!" Mitchell opened the curtain by the bed, sheepishly peering in at the awakened occupant. "Sorry Sam!"

sg1sg1

"And then he just opened the box! Nearly five thousand years old, and he just opens it. Like…like it was a cereal box or something!"

"So…you didn't enjoy your time with SG13 then?" Sam's voice was teasing as she watched the young woman pace the small cubicle in the infirmary.

"No! It's not that. It was an amazing opportunity Sam, really." Cassie spun to face the bed, "I'm glad I…I mean I know you had to have something to do with it, and I can't really talk about any of this at school. You know it's an anthropologist's dream, Sam. But…I hate to say it; I'm beginning to think Jack is right about the marines. I mean…the box was five thousand years old! What was Sergeant Reardon thinking?"

"Jack is right?" The skepticism in her voice stopped Cassie cold.

"Sam! I swear if you tell him I said that!"

Sam closed her eyes, leaning further back into the cushion of the pillows propped behind her. She smiled without looking up. "Relax Cass. It's our secret."

"You look tired, Sam," Cassie's voice softened as she came to stand beside her. "You want me to leave?"

"No. I'm all right." Now she opened her eyes again. "Where's SG1?"

"Oh, Teal'c is still out with SG3. Colonel Mitchell is in a meeting. Nothing important, he said to tell you. Vala is…around. I'm sure."

"Ah." She was quiet for a moment, looking up at the young woman. Seeing no more explanation was forthcoming she nodded, "So, tell me more about PX9-313 and SG13."

sg1sg1

"And tomorrow we'll all come by, give you a ride home, make sure you're settled." Cameron was perched carelessly on the edge of Sam's bed, the rest of SG1 gathered around him. "We've rented dozens of movies…"

"Cam…I just want to get back to work..." Sam's plea went unnoticed by the team as they continued to plan for her release. Teal'c promised that they had gone grocery shopping, and that Cassie had cleaned out her refrigerator before she returned to school.

Cam grinned, "Yeah, Sam. She said to tell you some of the things she threw away were older than she is. Don't you ever open that thing?"

"Not if I can help it," she answered quickly, glancing over at Vala who looked away before their eyes could meet. Her own gaze was concerned when she turned back to Cameron, but the other Lt. Colonel pretended not to notice.

"Well, we'll make sure you're well fed while you're home, Sam. Ah!" He held up his hand when she opened her mouth to protest, "No coming back to the base for three days; Doctor Lam's orders."

"We should allow Colonel Carter to get some rest," Teal'c interrupted firmly, preventing her from arguing with Mitchell. "We will return in the morning, Colonel Carter. I am most pleased you are well enough to leave the infirmary."

sg1sg1

"I believe you had said you had pressing matters to attend, Vala Malduran?"

Vala's quarters were dim, only the light from a TV perched on a metal stand in the corner illuminated the figure perched on the center of the bed. The bed clothes were mussed, the air force blue comforter pulled around her like a shawl, a tub of ice cream sat in her lap. She turned to glare at the Jaffa in the doorway, "I do!"

Teal'c took two steps into the room, looking from Vala to the television set and back. "That would not appear to be the case."

"Look," Vala waved at the TV, "Jessica just found out that Tess was having a relationship with Nash, and now they're both pregnant. If they're lucky, they'll integrate before the baby is born."

"I see."

He didn't. The tone in his voice made that perfectly clear to Vala. "I do have things to do," she tried instead. "I'm just building up to do them."

"I see."

Vala sighed and got up from the bed, tossing the comforter back in an approximation of straight. "See?" She pulled her BDU jacket from a nearby chair, tossing it over her black tee. "I'm just getting ready to go."

"Attend to important matters?" Perhaps it was the tone in his voice, or the way he raised his eyebrow just so; but the question elicited something akin to a growl from the woman.

"Yes! I told you that already." Vala snatched up a hairbrush from the dresser and began furiously tugging it through her hair as she paced the room, "Why don't you believe me?"

Teal'c remained standing impassively in the center of her quarters. "You have never before wished to miss out on a team night. In fact, it was you who coached Colonel Carter in the variation of poker at which she has become so adept. In addition, was it not your list of movies we should rent, and the order in which to view them? I believe the list should take us to the year 2011, barring incidents when we spend unforeseen time off-world." Teal'c took two steps toward her, "You are never happier when we are on earth Vala Malduran, but when SG1 congregates for downtime."

Her pacing came to a stop at that. He was right. There was little point in denying it. Sometimes she was sure Teal'c could read people's souls. Shrugging, she tossed the brush back onto the dresser.

"Colonel Carter is being released in ten minutes." Teal'c's voice was soft as he moved to stand at her side, "We will be making pasta with meatballs. That is one of your favorites."

Vala shrugged again, "I know."

"I do not understand why you wish to remain apart from us."

"I know," she whispered again.

"Perhaps you will change your mind. We would be most pleased if you did."

His only answer was another shrug.

sg1sg1

Cameron Mitchell clapped his hands together as he stood at the foot of Sam Carter's bed, "So! You ready to blow this joint Sam?" He nodded to where Teal'c stood at the curtained opening, talking softly with Doctor Lam, "Teal'c did some grocery shopping. I rented movies you're going to love. And the Doc is giving the big guy all the instructions for you at home."

Sam sighed, zipping the hooded sweatshirt Doctor Lam had brought her that morning, "She already gave me the instructions, Cam." Sam had always hated the fussing that came with an infirmary release, even if she did appreciate the concern. "I really will be all right by myself."

"Well, you know doctors Sam, always erring on the side of caution and all that." He was quiet for a moment before going on, "And you know she said she'd only let you out if we went home with you tonight. And besides, General O'Neill would have me bumped back to Airman if I let you go home alone."

"Let me?" Sam turned, doing a marvelous impression of Teal's one eyebrow raising maneuver. Her mouth twitched, but she kept a stern expression on her face. "You want to consider rephrasing that, Cameron?"

The man just grinned, "You know what I mean Sam. You can't leave unless SG1 goes with you. We'll act like it's just another team night. Otherwise, more time in here, and all the infirmary food you can stomach."

"All right, you win." Sam laughed as she gathered up the pain medicine the doctor had already given her. "Speaking of SG1 though…where's Vala? She can never get enough of team nights."

For the first time Cam wouldn't meet her gaze, "Oh. She's around. You know Vala, never predictable."

"But," Sam pressed, "She'll be meeting us later, won't she?"

"I don't know, you'd have to ask Teal'c that."

Teal'c chose that moment to end his conversation with the CMO and enter Sam's little curtained off space. He glanced from one to the other. "What did you wish to ask me?"

"Where's Vala, Teal'c?" Sam turned to face the Jaffa, her eyes searching his. She didn't want to seem as if she expected Vala to escort her home from the infirmary. Especially when she had already made it clear she didn't expect any of them to do so. But it was odd that Vala would pass up a chance to spend the evening off the base. "She never wants to miss team nights."

Teal'c met her eyes steadily, "She informed me she had pressing matters to attend to, Colonel Carter."

When nothing more was forthcoming from Teal'c, Mitchell shrugged, then plastered on a bright smile, "So! Teal'c here wants to push you in the wheelchair; says it makes him feel like a doctor."

"I said no such thing Colonel Mitchell," Teal'c gave Sam a low bow, "But I would be honored to push your conveyance to the surface, Colonel Carter, and assist you into Colonel Mitchell's vehicle."

"No." Sam grimaced, as both men hoped dropped the topic of Vala for the moment. "Thank you, but no Teal'c, I don't need a wheelchair."

"I believe Doctor Lam's orders were very clear, Colonel Carter. She insists you be assisted to the surface in some manner." Teal'c nodded toward the contraption waiting just beside her bed. His mouth twitched just the slightest, "I could, of course, carry you; if you would prefer."

"No!" Sam shook her head quickly, glaring at Cameron who didn't bother to hide his grin, "No. The wheelchair will be fine. Thank you _Teal'c_." Ignoring the other man, she settled herself with as much dignity as she could muster into the chair. She glanced back at the bed that had comprised her whole world for the best part of two weeks and let a sigh of relief escape. "I'm ready."

The Jaffa's eyes twinkled as he placed his hands on the handles, "Then shall we detonate this ice-cream parlor?"

Mitchell laughed, "That's blow this popsicle stand, T."

sg1sg1

Sam's living room showed evidence of the team night as she stumbled toward the kitchen the morning after she was released. Two plates and one very large bowl, still with remnants of spaghetti and marinara sauce sticking to them were balanced on the coffee table. Dozens of open DVD cases littered the carpet around the entertainment center. Cushions were piled on the floor in front of the new plasma TV Jack had insisted on purchasing. The couch was covered with rumpled blankets and her spare pillows, and a large Jaffa sat in her favorite easy chair, his eyes still closed.

Sam knew better than to think he was asleep, "Where's Cam?"

Teal'c opened one eye, then the other inclining his head in greeting before answering her question. "Colonel Mitchell woke some time ago, and went out for coffee."

"Why?" Sam stepped into the kitchen, opening a cupboard to check her supplies. She glanced over the bar separating the cooking space from the living area. "I've got two bags of coffee beans in here."

"They are not flavored. Colonel Mitchell stated that he prefers mocha coffee in the mornings."

She almost wished she hadn't asked, "Okay. I'll just get us some breakfast then."

Teal'c shook his head and rose from his chair, "There will be no need. Colonel Mitchell will be bringing breakfast as well. You are not meant to be waiting on us, Colonel Carter. It is we who are here to look after you."

"I don't need looking after Teal'c."

"You have been through a great ordeal. You are a strong warrior, but even you need time to heal properly."

Sam sighed and sank into the mussed couch, "I'm not an invalid."

"Indeed, you are not." Teal'c returned to his former position on the chair, his body turned to face her.

She let the topic of her recuperation go for the moment. "Should we invite Vala for breakfast?"

"I do not believe she would accept the invitation, Colonel Carter."

"Why not?"

"I am not certain. She has been uneasy since we retuned from the planet. I believed that it might have been caused by her time on the Ori ship. I no longer believe that to be the case."

"Why?"

"That I cannot say. I believe it would be beneficial for you to talk with her."

Sam did as well. The team had hovered almost constantly at her side as she recovered in the infirmary, Jack had flown in as often as his schedule had allowed, and even Cassie had taken time off school to spend with her. Vala though, had been conspicuously absent, only coming to visit if Teal'c or Cam, or both, were there as well.

It wasn't until after Cam returned, with enough food to feed four SG teams, and they had eaten that Sam considered what she should do. As the guys were cleaning the mess they had left in her living room, she broached the subject, carefully.

"I'd really like some time alone this afternoon."

"Sam," Mitchell began, turning from his search for the Charlie's Angels Full Throttle DVD he could have sworn he put back in the case the night before.

She interrupted him. "You can leave me a light lunch. I don't think I'll be hungry for hours with that breakfast. And you can come back for dinner. But I really would like some peace and quiet for a little while."

It took several more minutes of coaxing before the two men agreed to leave her alone as long as she promised to stay resting on the couch, and call them if she needed anything. Teal'c frowned almost imperceptibly when Sam acquiesced almost too quickly to Mitchell's demands.

When she finally she got them to leave she returned to the couch as promised. But she had no intention of remaining there quietly. Instead she picked up the phone and dialed a number more familiar to herself than her own. "Sergeant, I need you to connect me with Vala Malduran please."

sg1sg1

It had taken some convincing to get Vala to agree to come to Sam's. The alien woman had used the same excuse she had with Teal'c, she had important matters to attend to. In the end, Sam had to lie and tell her she needed help, that the guys had left and she couldn't contact them. Then Vala agreed, promising to arrange a driver to bring her out from the base. Sam had expected her to arrive rather quickly, she lived no more than a half an hour from Cheyenne Mountain. But almost two hours passed before Vala was sauntering into her home, arms filled with parcels and sacks.

"Well, at least the boys cleaned up after themselves," was her greeting as she passed Sam and dropped all her freight on the coffee table. "Now then!" With a bright smile painted on her face, she crossed the room to where Sam still stood near the door, closing it briskly and guiding the other woman back to the couch. "You shouldn't be up and about Sam! People recuperating from injuries need to lie down. I see it on television all the time." With a firm nod, Vala pressed Sam back onto the couch, fluffing the cushions behind her and pulling a brightly colored quilt over her knees. "There now that's better, isn't it?"

"Vala…"

Ignoring her, Vala turned to her satchels, "Do you know I've never sat with someone who was sick before…"

"I'm not sick, Vala…"

"Injured then," once again, she left Sam little room to get a word in. She rummaged in the first sack with one hand, the other absently twirling her hair around her fingers. "So I asked around the base, you know, for advice. They said someone convalescing needs home made chicken soup and lots of tea." Two jars full of a yellow stock appear from the sack, followed by three small boxes of various tea bags. "You know, I don't really know how to cook. So I had Airman Reeves stop on the way over to buy some. He thought as long as it wasn't canned, it would do as well as homemade. But if you'd rather, I can go back out and try to buy a chicken…"

"No Vala, really that's fine. What I'd like…"

"Good!" Vala spun around for a moment, flashing another all too bright smile at Sam. "Good choice. I think my cooking would make you feel much worse, to be honest." Before Sam could react she was back in the bags, "Captain Mallory said you'd be bored, so I should bring things to do, magazines, that sort of thing." The next item out of the bag was a checkerboard, a game of Chutes and Ladders, and a child's jack set. "They had these in the supermarket; they look like fun, don't they? Of course, I don't know how to play. But I'm sure you can teach me. It can't be too hard, can it?"

Still smiling she passed the items to Sam and turned back to the bag, "Now where is it, ah here it is! Magazines." Two issues of Playgirl flew into Sam's lap. Sam's shocked "Vala!" did nothing to stop the other woman's monologue. "Do you know these were very hard to find. I'd almost settled for Ladies Home Journal when I saw these hidden behind the counter. Ridiculous place for them, I almost missed them there. You'd think they didn't want to sell them at all."

"Vala," Sam was still blushing furiously, turning the covers of the magazines over on the seat of the sofa, "That really wasn't necessary, I don't really read them and…"

"You don't? Oh well you should! There's something called a centerfold, and he's really something, I can tell you that!"

"I…."

"Oh! I almost forgot." She dug back in the final bag, pulling out two one-pound bags of M&Ms, a Tobblerone, a box of assorted truffles, and a bag of mini Reese's cups. "Captain Mallory also said a woman needs chocolate when she's not feeling well." Vala paused for a moment, reaching for the M&Ms, "Of course, that much I had figured out on my own. Now! Which way to the kitchen, I'll heat you up some soup, and you can snack on the candy until I'm done."

"Vala, I'm not really hungry right now."

"Oh!" Vala's eyes cast around the small pile of gifts surrounding Sam until they hit the board game, "Then we can play this. Chutes and Ladders, sounds rather exciting, doesn't it?"

"Vala, I don't want to play, I want to…"

"Then the magazines then! Good choice, I think…"

"No!" Sam could feel her cheeks burn, "Vala. I appreciate everything you brought over, really I do. But…I'd rather just talk."

"Oh," Vala's hands found her hair once again until she busied herself folding up the shopping bags, "What about?"

"What's going on, Vala?"

"I don't know what you mean." For a moment Vala glanced Sam's way, but her eyes slid past the other woman's until they came to rest again on the small pile of purchases.

Sam shook her head, "I think you do." She waited until the other woman glanced back up before continuing, "Vala, why didn't you come with the guys last night? You never want to miss team night. And…why didn't you come to visit when I was in the infirmary…"

"I came!"

"No," Sam shook her head, her voice low, "You stopped by for a few minutes here and there, and only when Cam or Teal'c were with you. Vala, are you angry with me?"

"No!" The objection came quickly, "No, of course not. I…"

Sam waited, sensing that pushing Vala would only result in more focus on the contents of the bags, and not on the contents of her mind. She leaned back against the sofa cushions, opening the bag of M&Ms and holding it silently out to the other woman.

Vala sighed and reached into the bag, pulling out a handful of brightly colored candy. "I assumed you would be angry with me." She tossed the candies absently into her mouth.

"Why?" Sam's tone was truly puzzled, "Why on earth would I be angry with you?"

"Because I didn't heal you!" Vala turned away, "When the SG teams encountered those…those invisible beasts, I healed them. You know that. But there you were, with such a horrible wound, and I just let the doctors deal with it, instead of healing you myself!"

Sam hadn't even considered the healing device, had all but forgotten it was even on base. "I…Vala I don't expect you to heal me…any of us…every time we get injured. Being on SG1 is dangerous, you know that. We all accept that."

"That's not the point!"

"Then I'm not sure what is. I'm not angry with you for not using it. I might not have thought of it myself."

"But I did! That's the point," Vala whirled back to face her. "I even asked to have it taken out of security! But in the end, I didn't use it on you."

Sam was quiet for a moment, "Why not?"

The other woman had turned away again, "SG9 came back just after we did. They'd escaped a troop of Ori soldiers on P4M-562. Sergeant Harris was badly injured. He was dying when they brought him through the gate. I healed him instead of you. By the time I was finished, you were already in surgery. Doctor Lam wouldn't let me interrupt…"

"Vala…" Sam reached out, tugging on the alien woman's arm until she turned to face her again. "Why would I blame you for that? Sergeant Harris is alive because you helped him."

"You're my teammate. Being on SG1…it's meant a lot to me. I…" She pulled her arm away from Sam, "I should have helped you. You could have died too."

Sam sighed, "But I didn't. You made a choice to help the person more critical, Vala. That's the right choice. And it's more than I would have been able to do. I still can't control the healing device well enough to use it in emergencies like that. There was a time…" She let her words trail off, shrugging, "I know how you're feeling Vala. But you have to know, you did the right thing."

After long moments Vala spoke again, "There was a time?" she prompted.

"A few years ago," Sam finally answered, "We went in to rescue an SG team that had been pinned down by Jaffa. Jack…was seriously injured. Janet…" Sam looked up, her eyes catching Vala's, "Janet was our CMO at the time. She was…we were good friends. You would have liked her; she didn't take anything from anybody. She was shot…staff weapon. She died…on that planet. And Jack was…we weren't sure he was going to make it. After we got back, I wasn't able to get to him to use the healing device. I wasn't there to help Janet. I blamed myself for a long time." She wouldn't let Vala look away as she talked, reaching out to grab her arm again when she tried to turn away. "But I was wrong, Vala. It wasn't my fault. And what happened to me wasn't your fault."

"I could have spared you weeks of recovery…"

"General Landry wouldn't have let you use that device once I was out of danger. Just like General Hammond wouldn't let me use it on Jack, once he was. We just don't know enough about it's power to use it outside of emergencies. You picked the right emergency. And Sergeant Harris has his whole life ahead of him because of what you did. I'd trade a few weeks in the infirmary to save someone's life, Vala. So would you."

"Sam…"

"You would. We wouldn't have accepted you onto the team so easily, if we didn't know that about you."

Vala finally smiled, "Yes, well. I suppose I am rather fabulous!" Sam knew then that whatever crisis the other woman had been facing was over.

"I suppose you are." She glanced down at the magazines by her side, "Can you be even more fabulous and get rid of those before the guys get back here with dinner?"


End file.
